Dear Douchey Parker

Dear guy that parked illegally right behind my car at the gym,

Thanks for parking so close to me in a place that wasn't even a parking spot, so that it was practially guaranteed that I would hit you on my way out.  I really, REALLY needed the mini anxiety attack after the already terrible day I had today.

At least my workout was good.

Cat.

Dear Thief

Dear guy that's been stealing wallets from my office,

Just because the receptionist is away from her desk for a couple of minutes, that doesn't mean you're entitled to sneak into the office and rummage through people's purses.  We're onto you.

Thanks,

Cat

Dear Dreams

Dear Dreams,

Do you mind being a little more realistic in the future, so I don't wake up with extreme disappointment in my real life?

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy "seeing" my old crushes in my sleep, and "visiting" strange and exotic places (I don't like the back-to-school dreams though, those suck), but I hate waking up and not have any of it be real.  You should see some of the houses I've "lived" in, when I'm not dreaming about my childhood one.

Anyway, that's all I want to say.

Thanks,

Cat 

Dear People Who Can't Make Lunch Plans

Dear People Who Can't Make Lunch Plans,

Can you please manage to somehow connect with those people you've been meaning to spend time with?

This is what I see on my Facebook newsfeed:

"Hey, you and I need to make several attempts at getting together for lunch/dinner/coffee/shopping/whatever, but not be able to keep them because we're too busy with work/school/kids/life/whatever, and then spend the rest of our lives telling eachother we have to do lunch/dinner/coffee/shopping/whatever soon, but never pick a day!"

Crap or get off the pot, people.  Either finally meet up with these long-lost acquaintances, or finally fess up that you hate their guts and have been trying to avoid meeting them face-to-face.  Whatever you decide to do, get on with it, because reading that fakey fakeness is getting on my nerves.

Thanks,

Cat

Dear D.B. Drivers...

Dear D. B. drivers,

Please, please, please, PRETTY PLEASE use your signals when you intend to change lanes.

Thanks,

Cat.

Wait, while I'm at it, stop at all stop signs, don't tailgate, and for the love of gawd, please don't sit at a red light in the lane beside me that's going to end right after the intersection, and then speed up and cut me off in my own lane when the light turns green.  I really hate that.

I also hope you end up upside-down in a ditch.

Thanks,

Cat

Dear Time...

Dear Time,

Please stop.  You are depressing me.  Not because I'm aging.  I'm still in denial about that and not ready to address it.  In my mind I'm still somewhere between 10 and 14.

It's because everyone else is aging.  And fast!  How is this possible when I remain eternally young?  Maybe I attach myself to people, places, and things from the past far too much, and looking at the present state of things get me sad because things change so much over time, even though we don't notice it.

So again, Time, I implore you to take a break from ticking down for a while.  I know you won't listen, because your steady passage is the only thing one can be sure of to continue when all else fails, but just know that the request is out there.

Thanks,

Cat